Hoss (AKA) eNORMous

Dec. 23, 2006

It's been a while since I had a minute to sit down and tell you about Hossenfeffer (you called him Norm). We took him to Walmart to get his Christmas pictures made, and we managed to get one, but only one. After that, he was done. He decided to lie down in the middle of the aisle, right in front of the entry doors on a busy Sunday afternoon... the manager refused to let us take him off his leash because he looks like a killer. I was like, "Yeah, if you have a pork chop hanging around your neck." People were taking pics of him with their cells and others were petting him and he just laid in the floor of Walmart and groaned.

He loves attention!! He's a cookie bandit and will take any unattended cookie. The other night, we got Arby's. My husband (who is over six feet tall) had one of the roast beef sandwiches in his hand, getting ready to take a bite. But one of the boys asked him something, so he was answering them. Hoss just reached up and snatched the sandwich. Rob was like, "He just took my burger!" and Hoss was trying to find another one.

Hoss has finally learned how to use the stairs. We've been coaxing and trying to get him up for weeks now, since he came home, but he just wasn't interested. Last week I was upstairs changing my sheets and lo and behold, there was Hoss!! He comes and goes as he pleases now. I wish he'd sleep in the bed with me, but he prefers the couch. So he has a blanket that we tuck him in with it. He can get on the bed, and he'll nap there, but for nighttime he likes the couch. He really likes the fireplace, too. He plays with the other dogs when he feels energetic and barks once in a while,but for the most part he's just a big ol' lazy dog. Oh, he loves marrow bones and those science diet treats.... wow!!! Took him to the groomers recently, and he smelled sooo good! Now he's stinky again. I brush him with that dry shampoo stuff, but he's still a stinky boy. I just thought I'd let you know he's finally settled in. Thank you so much for my big smelly awesome dog!!!

Merry Christmas!

Michelle and Hoss

January 13, 2007

Hey, just thought I'd drop you a note and let you know what our big doggie is up to. He's decided he loves the bed now. We can barely get him out of it. It's a king size bed, but he takes up the whole thing when he stretches out and he likes to lay with his rear on the pillow. And he has gas. Stinky dog farts. Nothing worse than sleeping like a baby and having Hoss let loose some toxic cloud..... and the more relaxed he is, the more likely he is to let 'em rip. He still groans with joy when he gets scratched.

Christmas day, he stole a cheeseball, a stick of butter and half a loaf of pumpkin bread. He's decided he's a leaner. He likes to lean into me when i scratch his ears and neck. He rubs his face on my thighs and just about quivers with happiness. He utterly adores it when I fill his kong (those big chewie toys) with peanut butter. He's very possessive of his Kong. He bit the wiemeranar in the nose when she tried to get his kong. She went howling off and he contently returned to his peanut butter. She doesn't mess with his kong anymore LOL.

Hossenfeffer is such a good boy. He's right there at the door to greet me, even if all I do is take out the garbage. He adores his walks, and always always always has at least one person say "That's not a dog, that's a horse!" My daughter got a Chihuahua (is that how you spell that???) last week. Imagine a four and half pound dog trying to jump back at a 180 lb dog...... Hoss just won't get excited about things like that. He loves to play in the back, he gets down on the ground and barks and howls and generally runs around like a maniac with the other babies. They like to run in a figure 8, around two of the trees. They've worn a path out there!! They won't go play unless I go out with them, so I make a hot cup of tea or cup of coffee, and when my drink's finished, in we go. Too stinkin' cold to be out there long. It's amazing how cold it's been. It's been in the low 20's here before I go to work, and you try to get Hoss outside when it's icy. He has no love for icy grass and i have to stand in the middle of the yard beside him before he'll go potty. He has this indignant look on his face the whole time, let me tell you, then, when we get back in, I have to tuck him in on the couch (Rob doesn't like to sleep with him because of the foul smells). I'm pretty sure he's figured out this is home and this is where he'll stay. Thanks again for my big ol' stinky boy!!!!

March 19, 2007

Hi, Tara,

I haven't written in a while, and I thought I’d update you on Hoss...

First off, it's spring here. Flowers are blooming, grass is green, sun is shining, and Hoss is in doggie heaven. He’s loving the sun, and lays outside in it all the time. Three of our other dogs, Chloe, Nelliebug and Buddy love to chase water sprayed from the hose. They’ll run after it till they're exhausted. I just put the water nozzle on stream, and water the lawn while I exercise the babies. So far, Hoss has shown no interest in this. He barks and will occasionally howl, but no water for him, thanks very much. He tolerates a bath, but he's pretty sure it's not much fun. Brushing, now, is a whole other story. He’ll lie still forever while I brush him. Now onto the fun stuff.

One, he got three boxes of Girl Scout cookies off the counter and inhaled them. We used to keep the bread in a basked on a shelf, but not anymore, Hoss seems to have developed a taste for pita, of all things. The other day, I got the kids a pizza. A large pizza, pepperoni. Anyway, the pizza was on the table unattended. Well, unattended by people. Hoss was very attentive. He saw his chance, and ate the whole thing. I was upstairs getting ready for bed, and all the sudden I hear "HOSS!!" So, curious, I went downstairs. The kids were wailing about how they had to starve and Hoss was standing there looking innocent. I told them it was their fault and if they wanted, to make a sandwich. Then I went to bed. His other favorite, favorite thing is ice, no matter where he is he'll come running if he hears someone getting ice. He chomps it and drools and generally makes a mess. He’ll eat ice till we get tired of feeding him. He takes my whole hand in his mouth. It scares anyone who sees it that doesn't know him. We were down at the neighbor's last night, and I told Cory (the 17 yrs old) that Hoss would be his best friend if he gave him some ice. So Cory goes and gets three peices of ice. Hoss tried to get the ice, Cory squalled and jumped back and dropped the cube, Hoss was like "dummy!" and got the cube off the drive way while Cory yelped that Hoss tried to bite his hand off. I told him no, then showed him the correct way to feed Hoss ice. Hoss proceeded to eat his ice, then went around the yard and peed on all the plants. My next door neighbor Dana says Hoss wanders around like an old milk cow. Right now he's lying in the floor blocking the door.

We had to take him to the vet not to long ago, he had another ear infection. He hates the gel stuff that we have to put in his ears, but he likes the pills cause he gets them in a Vienna sausage. Which he adores. He’s all better now.

Well, sweetie, I’m gonna go. I just wanted to tell you he's doing so well. We love him and can't imagine what we did without him. He sleeps on Rob’s side of the bed till Rob gets home, then he moves to either the bottom of the bed so we have to curl our legs or he gets on my side and I get squished in the middle.

Oh, I forgot. My daughter drives a Mitsubishi gallant. Hoss loves, Loves, loves to go to country boy drive-in with her. They sit outside and eat french fries. He just steps into the backseat of her car and expects to go bye-bye. If you say "wanna go to country boy?" he goes to the door and starts scratching at the screen. Thank god it's a security screen, or he could scratch his way right through it with those big old paws of his. He gets in and the whole back of the car sinks down. Caren loves taking him, cause he gets a lot of attention from the guys. He gets a lot of attention form everyone. LOL

All our best,

Michelle and Hossenfeffer

October 30, 2008

Hey guys,

It's been ages since i've written to you. our beloved hossenfeffer is getting ready to celebrate his second holiday season with us. he's still a cookie, bread and unattended food bandit. he's still my great big puppy dog, and the neighbors still adore him. he's getting older now and has to take meds for his hips since the weather's cooled off. we've had to put a few rugs around so he has something other than hard floors to step on. he can't get in the bed anymore, but he can still get on the couch, and that's where he sleeps at night now. he still smells like a big ol bear. my couch smells like a big ol bear LOL. i have a mobile pet groomer come to bathe him now, the hose is too cold and he can't get in the tub anymore. he's huge and he takes up the whole van, but his groomer, tina, just loves him. there is no one who doesn't love him.

For several months, we had a military family who lived a couple of houses down. hoss loves to get the mail, and we'd walk past there several times a week. they had a four year old daughter who thought hoss was great. she'd hang on to his tail and he'd pull her around the yard while he sniffed. they moved a while back. he misses his playmate!!

On the other hand, we were blessed with a granddaughter last year. she's thirteen months old now and mobile. it's the funniest thing to watch her with him. if he's in the way of wherever it is she wants to go, she drops down and crawls under him. she has no respect for his size at all and thinks he's a marvelous pillow. somewhere i have a picture of her lying on him while she's drinking her bottle. he, on the other hand, seems to understand that she's a baby and he takes great care not to hurt her. she goes over to him when he's lying down and pats him and puts her head on his ribs and says "awwww"...... whenever she eats, he's always close cause she's sure to drop things. sometimes she just throws her food...

Hoss is still the biggest baby you've ever seen. i am not able to go to the bathroom without his head in my lap. this can be disturbing. if hoss doesn't want to move, he's not gonna. he comes to me and gives me love by rubbing his face on my hips. if i'm not ready, he knocks me over. he does that to just about everyone. our television had to be sent out for repair. the guy who brought it back barely spoke english, but he could say "big big dog". he kept his eye on hoss the entire time he was here and just about ran out of the house when he was done.

Having our hoss is the sweetest thing. i know i've told you before how he's enriched out lives. i get home from work (i'm a detention deputy) and hoss is there to greet me. he has the most loving face. he never wants anything but love. he's so simple and such a stress buster for me. i look in his big brown eyes and i see what genuine, unconditional love looks like.

I owe you a huge debt of gratitude for letting me know this amazing animal. the story of how i ran away to hisperia to get a dog is told and retold around here. i didn't rescue a dog. hoss rescued me.

Yours,

Michelle and Hoss